Poke’ fever has returned!
The release of Pokemon Go has reawakened the storm of the 90’s, adding new fans onto the train and giving long-time riders a much-needed jolt. Watching everybody go ga-ga again over Pokemon just about knocks me over with nostalgia, and I’m all the sadder that my phone can’t run the game.
But someday, someday. Life goals and all that.
In the meantime, I’ve been regaled with accusations of how people are giving adults who play the game a hard time. “It’s for kids” they cry and shame the non-children who are just trying to enjoy life and have interests. For those folk, and all of you lovely readers, I present Pokemon’s creepiest, most dangerous, and most disturbing Pokemon. Because this franchise gets far more adult than anyone gives it credit.
10. Muk & Grimer–Red/Blue/Yellow
Cheating here, but it’s so hard to pick between two sliding, moving, crawling balls of toxic goo.
Muk’s Pokedex entries have always been some of the most disheartening ones, all involving some form of eating sewage and killing everything it slides over. Even more disturbing, later ones dictate that Muk and his pre-evolution, Grimer, are dangerous to touch and can create new poisons if combined with other Muk/Grimer. These two are popular poison types to catch, but it’s hard not to look at them and see death sliding by.
Abra is so cute. Then it changes into an angry-eyebrowed alien… thing that may or may not have been a human once. Y’know, for kids.
Emerald was already on thin ice by suggesting that there used to be no difference between humans and Pokemon way back in the day. Then it went the extra mile and directly said it through Kadabra’s Pokedex entry:
“It is rumored that a boy with psychic abilities suddenly transformed into Kadabra while he was assisting research into extrasensory powers.”
Yes, you read that right. A little boy woke up one day to see he’d turned into this for no explainable reason. Let that one sit in your brain and fester; I’m eager to see what becomes of it.
8. Cubone –Red/Blue/Yellow
Because nothing says love like wearable remains.
Cubone’s an odd-ball, walking around with a big ole’ bone head and smacking Pokemon with a femur. Then you read some of its Pokedex entries (I’m seeing a theme here) and he becomes just about the saddest, creepiest thing in generation one. where you learn that it wears the skull of its mother and is known to cry in the night for her. Think about
There’s a reason you meet this thing at Lavdnertown first. This adorable little dinosaur wears the skull of its late mother and is known to cry in the night for her. There’s not telling whether or not that femur bone comes from her too, so I encourage you to use the disturbing part of your imaginations.
7. Parasect — Gold/Silver/Crystal
But what’s worse than wearing the skull of your dead mother? How about being a mushroom zombie?
Paras and Parasect were always strange Pokemon, not really having much to offer trainers and appearing in mass. But what I, and presumably several never knew, was that the evolution of Paras is an utter monstrosity. Remember how Paras was arguably cute, what with those bug eyes and tiny mushrooms on its back? Those mushrooms are living in a symbiotic relationship, which is squicky enough, but then, when Paras becomes Parasect, the Pokemon dies and those mushrooms take over them completely. In other words, the giant mushroom on its back is the result of a once symbiotic relationship going into the red.
But you know, at least it’s still safe, right? That’s creepy and all but it won’t harm you specifically. Well, that’s where our next entry comes in, and things get dangerous
Now we’re getting into harm’s way, parents, so buckle up.
There’s already a fear of dolls that exists in full strength on the internet. Take that fear and add the ability to move and kill people, and you’ve got Banette. Banette was a doll owned by a child that got thrown away. It turned into a Pokemon of pure hatred, a ghost type specifically, and is now on the hunt for the kid who threw it in the trash. And, if I recall, aren’t most Pokemon Trainers supposed to be ten?
Mind yourself next time you venture into the graveyard.
- Gorebyss — Sapphire/Ruby/Emerald
Stop right there!
I see what you’re doing; you stop that right now. You stop looking at this Pokemon above you in admiration, or thinking “aw, it’s so pretty, how bad could it be?” You stop that right now because Gorebyss is a vampire among Pokemon, to the point where even the Pokedex admits you shouldn’t like it.
Although Gorebyss is the very picture of elegance and beauty while swimming, it is also cruel. When it spots prey, this Pokémon inserts its thin mouth into the prey’s body and drains the prey of its body fluids
This thing will stab other Pokemon and drink until the Pokemon is a dry, brittle mess of skin and bones. Maybe you should keep this Pokemon away from other teammates while out on our kid-friendly adventure, hm?
4. Cofagrigus –Black/White
So you’re off on your Pokemon adventure at ten years old. You’ve got a strong team, you’re earning badges, just having the time of your life. Then, after looking around the desert ruins, this abomination pops up.
And even better, it will probably attack you.
According to Cofagrigus’s Pokedex entry, this Egyptian nightmare is rumored to attack people, rip ’em apart, and turn them into mummies. I never want to see what this coffin Pokemon has inside his box, but my love of everything creepy will probably make me catch/evolve it.
Insect Pokemon may already be a source of “ick” for you, as it was for Misty back in the day. But Nincada takes that a little further and produces something truly strange. When it evolves into Ninjask, an extra Pokemon will appear in your team. It’s a “shed” species called Shedinja. In other words, the shed skin comes to life as a ghost type, complete with halo.
As nasty as that is, it’s not nasty enough to beat a mummification Pokemon and vampire Pokemon, right? Wrong. Because that little hole in Shedinja’s back is rumored to steal your soul if you stare at it. Oh gee, what part of the Pokemon does the trainer stare at all day?
2. Lampent– Black/White
Speaking of souls, how about a Pokemon that collects them?
There’s always been the Pokemon that feels like the design team ran out of ideas, including Litwick and its evolution, Lampent. But don’t scoff at this little lantern just yet, because that pretty blue fire has a horrifying cost: human souls.
Lampent, once again according to the Pokedex, is known to hang around hospitals waiting for people to pass on so it can fuel its fire. I’m almost positive it’s based on some Japanese legend, but I have yet to find it. Either way, if trainers see this fire while sick in the hospital, it’s likely bad things are coming.
1. Yamask — Black and White
At the end of the day, it’s the first stage of the coffin Pokemon that takes the cake for the scariest, creepiest, most disturbing creature Pokemon ever spat out. Take almost everything you’ve just read above and combine it into one hell of a disturbing concept and you have Yamask.
This oddball roams Relic Castle, a decrepit, ancient ruin in the middle of Unova’s Desert Resort (because nothing says relaxation like sandstorms and fighting cacti.) Its human appearance is striking indeed, but far from an accident. For you see, each Yamask was a human in life, and now a Pokemon in death. In short, you could very well be capturing the soul of someone who used to live in that very castle, and forcing them to fight for your benefit.
Oh, and that mask they’re carrying? It’s their face from when they were human. And, as an added bonus, the Yamask will possess you if you stare at it. That mask also cries when it remembers its human life.
Maybe Yamask isn’t the scariest looking Pokemon, but I believe it to be the most disturbing in concept. Pokemon Go has reawakened the need to catch ‘em all, but don’t be surprised if you find something truly frightening on your next adventure.
What Pokemon creeps you out? What’s your favorite part of Pokemon Go? Feel free to like and comment below and don’t forget to follow for more content.